| Facing Faith with Your Children Enlightened Parenting by Angie Bailey Faith. This seemingly small word can be the most challenging facet of my own spirituality. No matter how frustrated my human ego becomes and how badly I want to "control" the outcomes of situations, each day I get new opportunities to peer below the surface and rest in the comfort of my perfect Divine Plan. And it feels like the more I settle into my spirituality, the more frequently my faith is confronted head-on. Even as I grapple with my own reliance on Spirit, I am faced with another all-important task -- helping my children to learn to trust in the wisdom of something they cannot see. Today, our house has been on the market for nearly two months. It's a lovely house, in a great location. Daily, I am banging my head against the wall, asking the powers-that-be why in the world it has not sold. Until we move, my husband spends more than two hours in the car each day, traveling to and from work -- and our house needs to remain in nearly-spotless condition all day long, awaiting the showings that will boot us out for an hour at a time. All of this with 4 and 5-year old children, whose joy in life is pulling every toy they own into the middle of their bedroom floors and creating play space in all corners of the house. Frustrated? Yes I am. And then the well-meaning friends who constantly ask, "Have you sold your house yet?" Sometimes I just want to shout, "NO! Leave me alone," but what comes out of my faith-seeking mouth is, "No -- the perfect person hasn't arrived yet." So do I really believe that? Truly, I do -- my very human frustration simply overtakes me sometimes. I believe there is a Divine Plan for us and our house. I can choose to place whatever energy I want around the situation. Yes, I pray each day and I visualize the sale of the house and our move to our perfect new house. Upon a recommendation of a Catholic friend, I even buried a statue of St. Joseph in my backyard. I've taught my children the power of affirming the sale of the house -- we drive around Golden Valley chanting "Thank you for the sale of our house!" My kindergartener recently asked me, "Mom, doesn't anybody want our house?" I explained that God has a plan for everything, even our house. Everything happens in God's timing, not in ours. Although we feel impatient and want so badly for something to happen the exact way we think it should, it is not always for our highest good that it unfolds in just that way. We can look for the blessings in every situation. I reminded her how much she loves her kindergarten class and because our house hasn't sold yet, she gets to spend more time with that class before she transfers to a new school. We talked about the idea that our most wonderful and perfect house may not be on the market yet. So we must wait to receive our beautiful new home. Also -- the people who will love our house and the child who may inhabit her room haven't made it around to us yet. As soon as they see the house, their hearts will sing, just like ours did when we first saw the house. As I explain all of this to my very wise daughter, I am further reminded in the wisdom of the Universe. How many times in my life have I looked back and felt relieved that a situation, although confusing at the time, resolved itself in the most perfect way? I must say that most times that has been the case. So my promise to myself is to try and demonstrate faith in the moment of chaos, knowing that later I will look back in gratitude and joy for the results. Sometimes it's difficult to sit back and rely upon the divine planning of Spirit. How do we assist our children in viewing tragedies, like the September 11 events, as an act of God? How can so much death and destruction be for anyone's higher good? And how can we love and see the divine in the people who planned and executed these acts? I admit that there were times that I questioned my own faith since that day. The detail of a conversation depends on the age and emotional maturity of the child. I believe that out of every dark deed, there's an opportunity for consciousness to be raised. My children are young, so I simply address the situation by explaining that we are all God's children, but some of us have forgotten how to shine our lights and we need to send them lots of extra love, because they really need it. Then our family gets to practice opening our hearts and sending love around the world -- something we can and should do everyday anyway. Although it deeply saddens me that these events occurred, inside I still rely on my faith in the Divine Plan. I teach my kids that we all get to choose how and why we leave this earth, and these souls chose to leave in the way that they did. Plus -- their physical death is not their eternal death. And then I point out all the love and togetherness that has emerged. In general, I've found that older children have a more difficult time embracing their faith in times like these. Validating their feelings is the first step. What they are feeling is very real and discounting those feelings can distance them from further conversation and send the message that feelings of anger and sadness are not okay. I have found that coming into conversations with the phrase, "This is what I believe" is the most non-confrontational way to approach. This allows me to talk about my own personal beliefs and leave the door open for the child to draw his own. I don't want to be the kind of parent that says, "This is what we believe -- end of story." This is true even at an early age, but especially with older children. After affirming their feelings, the next approach for me is to explain my take on the situation, revealing my sadness, but also my comfort in faith that there is a plan for each of us. We can choose how we want to react -- from a place of love or with our hearts in chaos. Love is a powerful and healing force; why not send it to the people who need it most? I do not believe they are "bad" people. They've simply drifted away from their own divinity. So, as the events of my life and the world unfold, I continue to examine my spirituality. I pray like crazy, seeking the understanding that all of this is for our higher good. I snuggle with my babies, assuring them that all is well -- trust in God and remember the power of your heart. And I am grateful for the opportunities to face my faith, knowing that I always emerge in a peaceful place. Angie Bailey is director of Enlightened Parenting, whose mission is to help integrate spiritual parenting principles into our relationships with children. She is a speaker and writer who facilitates an ongoing spiritual parenting group in Golden Valley, Minn. Additionally, Angie is the Youth Education Director at Unity Christ Church in Golden Valley. She may be contacted through her website at www.enlightenedparenting.com or (612) 581-7664. Copyright © 2001 Angie Bailey |
|
|
|
table of contents |
