| Healing & Our Next Generation Integrative healing by Christina Anne McDowell Allow me to introduce to you Sarah RisingSun-Lee. Her hands have loved and held many children, her eyes are honest, and she has what we would call "a presence." For 10 years, Sarah operated an early childhood program in Midtown Kansas City. This program was unlike any I had ever experienced (and I had looked around). If you could imagine the most pristine, divine, yet grounded program for children, this program would be it. When I first visited her school, I felt at home. Perhaps that is because it was a home, in every sense of the word. I wanted to be four years old again and join them on the rug for circle time, and hear about Asia and its people. All healing archetypes seemed to be present at this school, and you could feel the blessings of the Universe in every corner. The walls were colorful and bright. Surely, I thought, there must be fairies and cherubs looking out for the children here. The children's voices echoed throughout the home-school, and every few moments "Ms. Sarah" would ring out as they requested her attention and direction. Through the years, even we adults affectionately referred to her as Ms. Sarah. Both of my children attended her household school, Covenant Children's House. She named the school this because it is based on the Montessori model wherein early childhood schools were houses with gardens. Covenant speaks to the fact that it has a spiritual component, and that the agreement between the school and the parents is not just a business/educational "contract." It is a shared sacred agreement for the higher good of the child. Sarah RisingSun-Lee once told me that childrens' spiritual and psychological selves also need to be addressed in education if they are going to be prepared for the 21st century, and if we were truly going to embrace our global community. Those words mean even more this month than they did several years ago. The following is a brief interview with Ms. Sarah. How can we pass on who we are to the next generation? Sarah Risingsun-Lee: If we still lived in a tribe, it would not be as difficult to pass on this information. In a tribe, the elders' role was to pass on information and stories to culturally anchor and teach the younger generation. Part of the elders' purpose was (and really still is), to give the children a sense of their own culture and of belonging to a particular clan or tribe. Human beings are still a tribal species. However, the elders and traditions are no longer enough in an increasingly complex, global society. It is a difficult and complex challenge for today's elders to pass on their heritage to the children. As the world becomes more pluralistic, our society has chosen to pass this task on to the schools. Unfortunately, most American schools fail in this area, because they are not good at putting things into context for children. At the same time the society-at-large lacks the mechanism for connecting the children to a strong line of elders. It is not being done effectively either by the schools or by the elders. A "marriage" between the two is perhaps one of the best ways to pass on to the children who they are. Ideally, a counsel of elders would consult with the schools. Their job would be to pass on the stories to the children. Some storytellers now come to schools, but this is still rather "hit and miss." They do not always tell stories relevant to what every teacher is teaching. Nor do they always pass on the children's heritage. We all have a homeland, an origin. Teaching children who they are usually starts with the family. They develop an identity within their family, within their neighborhood, an ethnic identity, and then a national identity. At Children's Covenant House, that identity expands outward to include human ancestry to who are we as a species, as a whole. This process requires several things: A good sense of geography, a good strong concept of time and history, and knowledge of other people and cultures. This starts in the early childhood curriculum. If you wait until later, it's far less impacting. By tracing ancient origins, the sense that there is only one family is built. Middle school is too late to start dealing with race issues, and who we are as a people. By then we have missed the best window of opportunity. Teachers need to be well-educated and also trained in how to do this. Early childhood schools need the right instructional materials. Children also need adults and elders to help them develop a sense of wholeness and sense of self as they question, "Who am I?" They need a sense of belonging, and not just with their peers. A sense of being members of the whole human race is also important. A family in today's culture usually does not know it's entire cultural history, so it's important for the school to give children a global overview. Even preschoolers can do research on their familial history, and some can teach their classmates songs, games, and language from their culture. The teacher can help celebrate these differences and blend them together. This gives the children a feeling of pride in their heritage, even while all feel included as Americans. Children also need to understand the faith traditions. This allows them to connect with their religious or spiritual heritage. This can be Native American, Judeo-Christian, Celtic/goddess/Earth traditions, or Islam. Again, this is brought into context at Covenant Children's House for the children, and it gives them a sense of belonging to a larger spiritual world. In terms of healing, healing is integrated into this environment. That is because anyone who feels alienated needs healing. Healing is wholeness. Feeling that one does not belong is the opposite of wholeness. Covenant Children's House provides whole-child development and education. Ideally, the focus in our lives is on having less and less to heal, in childhood and as adults. It is on health and wholeness. Everything in the curriculum, in fact, is integrated health for children. For example, one child at the school needed healing. Deep inside, she felt abandoned by her birthmother. She had turned inward, and she was very needy. When the soul turns inward, it keeps trying to pull energy in as a way to try to fill the void and heal. Through a good grounding in her own Asian culture, she was first given a better sense of who she was and where she came from. However, more work was needed. I designed a children's version of Madame Butterfly, a story of transformation, so the little girl could understand that her birthmother loved her so much that she had given her up for adoption. The story we told became her story. With the help of her adopted mother, as well, this child was able heal her inner wounds, and to understand that she was loved. By the next summer, her heart had opened up. Changing life scripts for children, helping them to heal and preparing them for the world is integrated into the curriculum, and is also within the teacher's consciousness. The teachers have done their own healing and spiritual work. It is so much easier to heal and change core beliefs for children at the early childhood level. This is done in a safe family setting, which children need. What can we do as parents, as members of society, to guide our children as elders, rather than rule them as authority figures? Sarah: Children need parents who provide guidance, but more importantly, they need strong adult leadership. The parents need to have controlling influence in the home. They must feel comfortable with providing discipline. In fact, the origin of the word discipline means "to follow." We see that in the word "disciples." Parents are not guidance counselors; they are adult leaders. Problems occur when the child is not clear who is the leader, or when children feel that they are the leaders in the family. Leadership is about setting the parameters for the children. In a healthy family, the parents have the power, and if the kids know they have it, the parents do not have to use it most of the time. Kids intuitively assess everything, and they know who has the power, or authority, and who doesn't. Power is defined as having to have the last say, the final decision. It's not about being able to bribe, manipulate or abuse. Misuse of a parent's power actually weakens discipline. It is abusive to use fear of violence to rule over someone. Discipline should not involve the use of rewards or punishment; that is also damaging. Rewards and punishments are appropriate for animals, but not human beings. An adult leader uses consequences in very appropriate ways. When leadership is based in guidance, it is even more effective, because it lifts up the kids to think through things and consequences for themselves. For some adults, taking leadership is difficult. They may have a life script that makes it challenging not to be the leader, or they want to be a friend or counselor to their child, or they worry about squelching a child's spirit. However, parents still have to be the person in charge and in the leadership role. This means setting boundaries and limits, and having routines and structures. This allows a child to feel safe. Children do not have the maturity to even lead themselves, much less the adults in their lives. Parents need to ask themselves, "What do I need to do in this situation to provide leadership that is best for the children?" Some may think that a parent can be the elder for their children. The role of parenting and being an elder should not be confused. Parents can provide leadership and structure. Elders, on the other hand, should not be expected to do the parenting. Elders are persons who have had many life experiences. Their role is to stand back and let the parents lead, but to offer them counsel and advice. It can be difficult for even grandparents to be in the role of parent, as they often no longer have the physical and psychological stamina that the daunting job of being a strong effective parent requires. Rules in every household make spontaneity possible. Some people equate rules with suppression, but they are not the same thing. Everyone can be spontaneous when everyone feels safe, protected, and everyone has a voice. The leader can elicit cooperation so the work of the day can be accomplished with a minimum of use of rules and consequences. The adult leaders set the tone. The adult leader asks, "How can we all work together as a family so that everyone's needs get met?" What else about healing do you have to share? Sarah: The human soul needs bonding. We bond first with a human; however, the soul also needs to be bonded with nature. Children become more bonded in very simple ways, such as by working quietly with clay, and thanking the Earth Mother for the clay. This allows them to connect with the spirit within them, and to begin realize that the Spirit that is in them is also in the clay, and also in the Earth. It is also part of their spiritual connection to the Universe, their divine heritage. A great many of children today are being raised in a psychological and spiritual void. Even most people who are steeped in religion are devoid of a spiritual center. Children need to be bonded to adults who are themselves bonded to the spiritual realms. Then, whatever is at the center of the adult leader's soul is the fulcrum around which the children evolve and draw spiritual nourishment. In other words, an adult provides the spiritual center. Children are not developmentally able to be centered within themselves or a center for others. Children do best when bonded to an adult who is bonded to the mystic Self, and that Self then also serves as a center for the child's soul or psyche during childhood. The adults present with the children need to do their own psychological work. The more whole we are psychologically, the more our children can connect with us in a clear, wholesome way. When the adults are centered and authentic, children know they are real. Sarah RisingSun-Lee is writing a book about spiritual preparation for adults, and is also preparing to train teachers in her method. Look for her new website to come up at www.sarahrisingsunlee.org. She can be reached at: P. O. Box 22568, Kansas City, MO 64113 Christina Anne McDowell, LCSW, is an eclectic spiritual life coach and energy practitioner in the Kansas City area. She may be reached at (816) 444-4170 or spiritcoach@mindspring.com. Copyright © 2001 Christina Anne McDowell |
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